Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
