you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
