My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
