if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
