it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
