did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
