i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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