I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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