Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize