Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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