Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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