nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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