my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
