I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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