thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
zippers are such a cool invention
The best revenge is premature balding
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
