I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
