Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
