well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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