my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
