if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize