i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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