I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
