GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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