I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
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