True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
as a side note pls kill me
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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