his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
