New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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