Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
