The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize