she woke up with a sticky ear
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
