We won't sleep together?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
