I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
