Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize