my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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