and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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