You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
