i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
