The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
