Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
