If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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