how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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