Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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