im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
