ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
