I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
