Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
