She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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