She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
