I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
