btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
