If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
