Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just found puke in my bra..
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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