I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
