the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
