he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
