Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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