ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
