We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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