obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize