got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
