That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
