just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
