Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
