toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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