At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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