She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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