Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
