oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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