Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize